On Alienation

I’m sure everyone, at one point in their lives, has felt alienated…as if your outside looking in. But, what do you do when you feel alienated in your own home? I’m not saying that having alone time isn’t nice but, it’s also nice to feel included and to feel like you are “one of the girls." I guess this sudden feeling of isolation stems from a recent “experience” at my apartment with my roommates, Matthew, Cassie, and Louise.
Cassie and I have been friends (on and off) for about three years now, and I’d like to think of her as a close friend, someone I can turn to and entrust secrets with. Cassie normally goes above and beyond the call of friendship and welcomes everyone with open arms and a warm smile. Louise, on the other hand, has often been described as a “loner” and has taken on the position of the “attention seeker” on more than one occasion. I’m aware the loner/attention seeker combination is often an oxymoron however, in this instance; it’s the only way to describe Louise. Now Matthew, he’s a breed all his own. A “free spirit” some would say…while more forthright individuals would just label him as a pot head, both are fairly accurate descriptions. Matthew works for a grass-roots organization and is rarely in the apartment, so I suppose this blog has nothing to do with him.
Anyway, back to my childish complaints…recently, Cassie and Louise have started hanging out together and going on various little day trips around the city (which I think is great and I love the fact that they are becoming friends *prior to us living together Cassie and Louise didn’t really know each other*) but, I often get overlooked in the planning stages of their excursions. I think the biggest issue I have with the current situation is that Louise has a rather bad habit of venting her frustrations with me to everyone but me and these therapy sessions usually take place while the two are out gallivanting around town. I know I’m not the easiest person to live with, everyone has their weird habits and I am no exception to this however, Louise chooses to complain about the most bizarre things. Her most recent complaint was that I fall asleep with the television on. This would be a valid complaint if Louise and I shared a room however; her room is situated on the other end of the apartment. How she could possibly be bothered by the fact that my television is on is really an oddity to me.
I used to pride myself on my resiliency and ability to let things slide off my back but lately I’m having a hard time being my usual, carefree self. It really is hard to come home and see shopping bags and take out containers and hear the giggling behind closed doors. One can’t help but think she is being talked about. Before my mother passed away, she advised me to take everything with a grain of salt. Mom, I’m afraid no amount of salt will help me with this one.
The question I pose today is this: When was the last time you felt left out? Or when was the last time you left someone out (intentionally or unintentionally)?

Smile, though your heart is aching…

XOXO - Maxine