Sunday Funday

I’ve decided to put my life into list form, things to read, movies to see, things to do…etcetera, etcetera, blah, blah, blah. Here goes nothing (let the ridicule begin!);

Things to Read:
Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin
Lolita by Valdimir Nabokov (I own it, I just haven’t read it)
The Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama
More of anything written by Augustine Burroughs

Movies to Watch:
Donnie Darko (I watched it about 5 times in the past month and it only gets better)
Rachel Getting Married
Hair: The Musical
Reservoir Dogs (I’ve attempted to watch this and I fell asleep in my couch -- twice)

Things to Do:
December 31st in Times Square (Never done it…Failure)
Sail a Boat (I’ve been taken sailing, but I’ve never DONE the sailing)
Dye my hair (I have 100% virgin hair)
Fall in love with myself (Hardest concept thus far)

On a more blog worthy note, my celibacy pact (which started on October 26th) has officially been official (?) for 3 entire weeks. I’m being honest with my friends (both male/female and both of the plutonic/non-plutonic nature) and with myself about it. I haven’t brought myself to tell my mother about it because how does one adequately say “Oh momma, by the way….um, I think I’ve been abusing sex for the past X years and I might even be a sex addict” without said mom breaking down in hysterics and then morphing into an angry, confused, scared lump of the once strong person she was? I don’t think that’s possible and besides, who really wants to share their sexual escapades with their mother?
Ugh, Louise went to her grandmothers this weekend and I have to admit I’m dreading her return. Once again I’ve asked her if we could talk about the issues we both seem to have with each other and once again she’s ignored my attempt at reconciliation. This would be the second time I’ve attempted to rekindle any form of friendship between us and I am sick and tired of trying and not having my actions be recognized, I’m not trying again….screw it. I normally don’t give people multiple get out of jail free passes (unless it’s someone I truly love/care about).
I’m also kind of slipping back into old, familiar, dangerous habits. I’ve been really restricting my calorie intake (sometimes I’ll eat between 200-500 calories a day). It scares me that I feel powerful knowing I’m not eating and it absolutely terrifies me that I feel complete elation when I step on the scale and it is less than the previous scale number. I still haven’t been able to see Dr. X but he says he’ll have room for me after Christmas. I know this is something that needs to be addressed.
And lastly, I think I’m going back to being a vegetarian. I was a vegetarian for most of high school but I sort of grew out of it. Who knows, I might even give the raw food movement a go…

And the silence; it became so very clear
That you had long ago disappeared.
I cursed myself for being surprised
That this didn't play like it did in my mind.
- Death Cab for Cutie

XOXO - Maxine